Perhaps I’ve been lucky, but I haven’t had much to do with
the medical profession.
I’ve only been hospitalised once (to have my tonsils and
adenoids removed when I was five) so my encounters with members of the
profession have usually been related to issues with other family members.
I also have a brother who is a GP and a niece who works as a
paediatric registrar, so there is a different sort of family connection.
Today, however, I had to see a dermatologist as my GP had
referred me because of a mysterious rash and a couple of lesions on my back he
wasn’t happy about.
Apparently the specialisation of dermatology is prized
amongst medicos. When I asked my brother about this he said simply – “Nobody
calls you at 2am because they’re worried about bad skin. Fair enough….
Turns out the lesions were quite benign (frozen off with
some sore of weird hand-held contraption), but I’ve been inflicted with
something called
Grover’s Disease in the form of a rash on my back and trunk
that itches something fierce.
Getting this diagnosed was a fascinating experience. I was
ushered into a treatment room which contained only one item of furniture
(besides the doctor’s desk and chair) – a height adjustable plinth. I became
intimately familiar with this item of equipment because I was left
unaccompanied for about 15 minutes waiting the arrival of the Dermatologist.
I was at the point of rolling the doctor’s chair out from
behind the desk to sit in it because the plinth was not exactly comfortable –
there was no other chair in the room – when a nurse type person wafted in and
asked me all manner of questions.
That was the first wave.
Next came two people, both female, and wearing the same
uniform as the first one.
They were the second wave.
One I think was an intern, and she asked me to remove my
shirt and lie face down on the plinth.
For reasons
unknown, another slightly shorter wait transpired before the actual Dermatologist arrived. Perhaps I was being vetted to make absolutely sure that I was actually
worthy of the attention of this rare and esteemed person – an actual real live
specialist.
He breezed, rather than wafted in, although he was also
wearing the corporate garb also. Then followed a series of events straight out
of the Doctor movies.
He proceeded to give a tentative verbal diagnosis complete with
history, pathology and prognosis. It was thorough, but it was directed at the
intern, not at me. It sounded like a tutorial, and also like I was simply an
interesting exhibit, not a living breathing patient. Being discussed in the
third person in your own presence is a weird experience.
This was given in a completely hands-off fashion. He didn’t
actually touch any part of my anatomy during the examination. Perhaps he’s had
bad experiences with contagion.
He explained that Grover’s disease was not named after the
Sesame St character that lived in the rubbish bin, but was indeed called after
the doctor who discovered and described it. Given that this Dr Grover never did
work out caused it, or what the cure is, I wonder why he was considered worthy
of naming rights.
I was told is it benign and self limiting. I think this
means it won’t kill you, and eventually clears up all by itself. This is
comforting, but less comforting was the information that it can hang around for
12 months or more.
12 months of excruciating itch – not fun.
Anyway, the specialist breezed out again after prescribing
two different topical (no – nothing to do with news – not that sort of “topical”)
products, and I thought we were done.
Not so.
The intern announced that she was going to remove 4mm of
skin from my back for a biopsy. Obviously, the specialist wasn’t totally
confident with his diagnosis. This procedure took a little bit of time, as a
local anaesthetic was necessary, and also cost $86.20.
I know that because it was on the invoice.
So I ended up with my wallet lighter by a total of $300, a hole in my
back, and some not-so-good news.
The sight of the specialist’s Bentley Continental Coupe in the
doctor’s car park did nothing to lighten my mood. Reflecting that f I had just
contributed half the cost of a new tyre to his favourite set of wheels didn't help..
I wonder if you need a thick skin to become a Dermatologist?
Update -
Received the results of the biopsy. It's not Grover's disease, but a rash called
pityriasis rosea. I doagnosed this myself and told my GP. He didn't believe me and sent me off to the specialist. I reckon I should get my money back.