There are a plethora of blogs set up by gun lovers in the USA.
Some of the writers take themselves very very seriously.
They don't take kindly to ridicule. It is great fun, however.
There was a
post the other day entitled
This is Why I Carry a Handgun.
I thought I'd have a bit of fun with it.
This is the result.
The original post is in italics, my response in plain text. It does go on a bit -
· *
I can’t
foretell the future. I carry not for the things I can anticipate, but for the
things I can’t.
In that case you should also carry a shovel. You never know when you might
encounter bullshit.
* Evil exists and may confront anyone at
any time and any place.
Yep – he usually has a tail and horns. But then, he’s a supernatural being and
a gun would be useless.
* Self-defence is a God-given, natural,
unalienable right.
That’s funny – my God talks about “turning the other cheek”. Your God must be a
different one.
* There is no gift so precious as God’s
gift of life.
Absolutely. That’s why shooting someone to death is an affront to that gift.
* To fail to protect the greatest gift
devalues all life.
See above – unless you believe that your life is more worthy than everyone
else’s.
* My life is worth far more to me, those
that love me, and to a just society than the lives of vicious brutes that would
take it.
These same “vicious brutes” are also loved. Many of them would claim that you
are “vicious”. What gives you the right to judge?
* The lives of the innocent—friend or
stranger—are worth far more to me and to a just society than the lives of
vicious brutes that would take them.
Yes – I wonder how the families of the innocents killed by firearms (e.g. the
children killed at Sandy Hook) feel about
this.
* Three times in my life I have raised my
right hand and sworn a solemn oath to uphold and defend the Constitution. I
have never betrayed those oaths and never will.
I don’t need to swear an oath to defend my values. I live them.
* The Constitution is only paper, a
statement of principles and intentions. When the will wavers and when some wish
to change, ignore or destroy those principles and intentions for light and
transient reasons, only the threat and force of arms will suffice to preserve
liberty.
I think Adolf Hitler, Mao Tse Tung and Josef Stalin had much the same idea.
* From time to time, politicians forget
their place. The carrying and use of arms by law abiding citizens helps them,
gently, to remember.
Tell me when armed insurrection has been successful in your country this (or
last) century. The world has changed a bit since the days of your founding
fathers.
* A handgun is the most convenient, usual
and effective means of self-defence.
And it is also easily concealed and carried by criminals.
* By carrying my handgun, I honour the
foresight and wisdom of the Founders in writing the Second Amendment.
As far as I know, in 1791, effective rapid-fire handguns weren’t invented yet.
The most advanced weapon at that time would probably have been either the Kentucky long rifle,
capable of firing two or three .60 balls per minute out to an accurate range of
300 yards. The Founders had no idea about modern weaponry.
* Going armed reinforces and upholds the
Social Contract.
Going armed offends the Social Contract. Trust is an important component of
that contract. Fear is not.
* I know that Thomas Jefferson was right:
Jefferson was a great man, but he was not
gifted with prophecy. He would be turning in his grave at the state of your
country now.
“The tree of liberty must be refreshed
from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants.”
That may have been acceptable in his time. We have progressed since then. I
doubt that anyone wants to go back to the savagery that existed then – except
perhaps ISIL – that’s how they operate.
* That’s why we have a Second Amendment,
not for hunting, not for self-defence, but to allow the common man–if
necessary–to resist a tyrannical government and always to deter tyranny.
Most civilised western democracies don’t need a second amendment, and looking
at the gun homicide statistics, they are safer places to live than the USA.
* It demonstrates—day after day—that I am
the master of my government, not its slave; that elected officials work for me.
We have been able to do that in this country (Australia) without bloodshed for
over 200 years. What is wrong with you lot?
* I am a free man and no evidence of that
fact is more meaningful and convincing than that I own and carry the firearms I
prefer.
No – you are a fearing man – not a free man – if you have to carry a firearm.
You are a slave to fear.
* It sorely vexes those who would enslave
me—all of us—through tyranny, soft or hard.
Not really. I couldn’t give a colonial. The only thing that vexes me is
Americans telling me what to believe in my own country.
* It reminds them that in America, there
are lines no rational, honest politician dare cross.
Really? Your history doesn’t demonstrate that. Where will I start? Joe
McCarthy, Richard Nixon, George Wallace, Jesse Jackson, Bob Ney, Larry Craig
etc – the list goes on.
On the other hand, many great men have been slaughtered or wounded by firearms
in your country, including Jack Kennedy, Bob Kennedy, Martin Luther King, and
Ronald Reagan.
* It reminds them that in America, there
are lines no irrational, dishonest politician dare cross.
See above.
* It reminds them that every iota of
power they possess is on temporary loan from me and every other American.
See above.
* It reminds us all that the whims of the
highest politician may not prevail over the Bill of Rights because our will has
not flagged and will not flag.
See above.
* It is the very means by which an
oppressed citizenry may force despots to respect the Bill of Rights.
That may have been true in 1791. It is not the case in 2014.
* Because politicians harbouring
tyrannical intentions fear armed citizens like a vampire fears a crucifix, it
serves to positively identify those that hide behind spin, teleprompters and
clever lies.
That is ideological nonsense. Explain how carrying a firearm “identifies”
anyone or anything.
* Most politicians care about the welfare
and continuing existence of individual citizens only in the abstract. Even
honourable politicians can do little more than those who only pretend to care.
You must have crap politicians in your country.
* Even in our democracy, tyrants are
always present and always waiting their chance.
Yep – we get them here too. They get voted out.
* With this in mind, Hubert Humphrey, one
of the most famous and orthodox Democrats of the last century was right–and
refreshingly honest and non-partisan–when he said:
“Certainly one of the chief guarantees of freedom under any government, no
matter how popular and respected, is the right of the citizens to keep and bear
arms. This is not to say that firearms should not be carefully used and that
definite safety rules of precaution should not be taught and enforced. But the
right of the citizens to bear arms is just one guarantee against arbitrary government
and one more safeguard against a tyranny which now appears remote in America, but
which historically has proved to be always possible.”
The NRA got to him.
* Those who willingly and meekly
surrender to criminals surrender more than valuables; they surrender their
dignity and honour; they surrender civilization itself.
We don’t “willingly and meekly surrender to criminals” in this country and we
don’t carry guns. It’s unnecessary.
* I am old-fashioned enough to think it
my duty to protect those who have less ability than mine to protect themselves.
Me too – but I’ve never needed a gun to do that.
* I could not live with myself for
failing to protect a woman in danger. Call it sexist if you must, but if you’re
unarmed and under attack, would you really want to call an unarmed, untrained
statist? Would Pajama Boy save you?
Carrying a gun doesn’t make you a man – it actually brands you as a coward.
* I know human nature. Like the Shadow, I
know what evil lurks in the hearts of men.
Really – what is that supposed to mean. Maybe evil is male?
* I know that many criminals experience
pangs of conscience. I also know that it does not prevent them from being
predators, only that it occasionally causes them to feel badly, for a few
fleeting seconds, thereafter.
You seem to divide the world into criminals and others. What a simple view of
the world you harbour – goodies and baddies. Most grow out of that by the end
of grade school.
* I know that sociopaths exist, in
greater numbers than most imagine, and that they have no conscience.
Yep – and quite a few of them have slaughtered hundreds over the years in your
country. A sociopath with a gun is dangerous – without a gun – not so much.
* I know that some people really like
hurting others. Rarely does one need to engage in psychological navel gazing to
understand the actions of predators. They do it because they want to do it,
because they like to do it, and some, because it is an intense sexual thrill.
I wonder what this has to do with concealed carry?
* I know that such people are everywhere,
and are for most, impossible to pick out from the mass of humankind.
Like Chickenman, they’re everywhere, and you want them to be able to carry
concealed firearms?
* I know that such people can be stopped
only by the presence of overwhelming and imminent force: the gun.
Not necessarily. If they’re carrying all bets are off.
* I know that living a virtuous life is no defence against such people.
Wow – what a revelation.
* I know that having a Progressive political and social philosophy not only is
no defence against such people, it encourages, helps, even creates them.
And allowing everyone to carry concealed
firearms isn’t “progressive?”
* I know that only bullets will stop some predators. Using reason or empathy on
such “people” is like the cries of a wounded bird to a carnivore.
You’re full of hyperbole.
* Politicians sometimes speak of a “war
on crime.” They have no idea. The streets are the battlefield and whether we
like it or not, we are all the combatants.
Not in this country. But then we have a fraction of the available firearms that
you do.
* The predators that would carry that
battlefield into our homes are usually the most dangerous of all.
More hyperbole.
* The police have no legal obligation to
protect me—or anyone.
You have a very strange police force.
* The police simply can’t protect anyone;
there are far too few of them and far too many of us.
We don’t need protection when every crim isn’t carrying.
* When seconds count, the police are
always minutes (or in Detroit
and many, many other places, an hour) away.
I lived in outback Queensland
for many years. Nearest police officer was hours away. Not a problem.
* I accept personal responsibility and
live accordingly.
·
Me too.
* As an adult, I am solely responsible
for my continuing existence.
Me too. That’s why I gave up smoking years ago.
* As an adult, I am also responsible for
the continuing existence of children.
As a teacher, I’ve been caring for children for over 40 years.
* Accepting personal responsibility
encourages me to be continually aware of my surroundings, to be tactically,
situationally aware.
Yeah – learnt that whilst serving in Vietnam. It’s called hyper
vigilance. If you’re always as aware as that, you’d probably better see a counselor.
* Having situational awareness makes it
more likely I won’t ever need to use my handgun.
See above.
* My training and experience give me
confidence that if I do need it, I will use it effectively and properly, though
I will always pray to be fast and accurate.
The last thing I would ever want to do is carry a gun again. Doing so for months in Vietnam
was enough for me.
* It gives me the ability to deter those
younger, stronger or more numerous than myself.
I haven’t found it necessary.
* It gives me the ability to defeat those
younger, stronger or more numerous than myself if they are too stupid, too
drugged, or too predatory to be deterred.
I don’t “defeat” them, I avoid them. Works for me.
* I know that criminals fear the guns of
armed citizens far more than the guns of the police. They should.
I haven had this conversation with a criminal lately.
* Domestic terrorists and murderers have
always been with us. The victims and survivors of Columbine High School (1999),
Virginia Tech (2007), Sandy Hook Elementary School (2012), and the Boston
Marathon attack (2013)—and I–have no doubt of this.
Yep – but they find it much easier to get their hands on deadly weapons in your
country than mine.
* In virtually every school shooting in
recent American history, the police played virtually no role in stopping the
killers. Armed citizens did.
Yep – worked out well, didn’t it?
* We are at war with uniquely deranged,
blood-thirsty terrorists determined to slaughter Americans on American soil.
Yep. Problem is in your country they’re armed.
* I have no doubt that Islamist
terrorists are waiting for their chance, and on American soil. I have no doubt
others will soon walk over our open borders.
Watch out for the Presbyterians.
* I frequent the places (schools,
theatres, shopping malls, grocery stores and other soft targets) terrorists
long to attack.
If I was as paranoid as that, I’d avoid these places.
* I can imagine few feelings worse than
being unarmed when and where a terrorist attack takes place.
No problem if they’re not armed.
* Even unarmed, I would have no option
but to attack armed terrorists shooting innocents.
Good luck with that.
* Armed, I would be able to save at least
some lives and stop at least some killers.
You’d more likely shoot yourself or some innocent bystander.
* I could not bear the thought that I was
less prepared than the Boy Scouts—in any situation.
Just say the promise – you’ll be OK.
* It is important to me to know that I
can make a real difference when it most matters.
Me too – but I don’t need a gun to do that.
* I appreciate well-designed and made
devices.
Me too. I love sports cars. Guns – not so much.
* Firearms are like fire extinguishers.
When one is needed, it’s needed right now, badly, and nothing else will do.
I’ve extinguished fires successfully with a wet sugar bag.
* The discipline of the gun helps to make
me a better, more aware and more effective person.
If you need a gun to be “disciplined” you have a problem.
* Thomas Jefferson was also right when,
in 1785, he advised his 15 year old nephew and ward:
“A strong body makes the mind strong. As to the species of exercise, I advise
the gun. While this gives a moderate exercise to the body, it gives boldness,
enterprise, and independence to the mind.”
Probably true in 1785. In 2014 not so much.
* Shooting and being a part of the “gun
culture” is uplifting and simply fun.
I’ve never found the need. Surfing is healthier, safer and cheaper.
* I recognize that I am the weapon; the
handgun is simply a tool.
Actually, the reverse is more likely.
* Everyone that carries a handgun,
without incident, every day, makes a stronger legal and political case for
fully honouring the intent of the Founders and expanding Second American
freedoms.
Everyone that carries a handgun exhibits paranoia and cowardice.
* The mark of civilization is not what a
man or a people are willing to say about it, but what they are willing and able
to do to defend it.
The mark of civilization is the freedom to move about freely daily without
fear. Shame you don’t have it in your country.
* The battle for liberty never ends. I’ll
do my part, symbolically, and if necessary, in fact.
Me too – but I don’t need a gun for that.
* Foremost, I am an American; I am a free
man; it is my tradition and heritage.
If you are an American with your anachronistic gun laws you are a slave to
fear.
*As an American, I do it for no reason
other than I want to.
That’s the kind of statement I’ve heard from your typical five year old. Most
grow out of it. What other people want is important unless you’re a hermit.
